Twilight Rip-offs & the Damn Donkey Wanna-Be’s

(Since many of my blog readers are under 15-years-old, this section is here for them.  If you know what sarcasm and satire are, skip ahead.  The 5 things below are written in satire, and are meant to poke fun.  Don’t worry, I’m not bashing my own book – Demon Kissed rocks.  So do the other pieces of literature mentioned down there.  Now you can read and know what’s going on.  Plus your English teacher will think you’re all super-smart knowing about the uses of sarcasm, irony, and wit in literature to prove a point.)

The top 5 Twilight rip-offs of all time:

5. Demon Kissed: It’s so obvious that the author was copying Twilight. I mean, the book has a boy and a girl.  They go to high school.  They sit in class.  He has nice hair and he’s hot. Oh, and the trees. There are trees, man! Just like Twilight. There are lots of trees in Twilight.

4. The Bible: This book is such a total Twilight copy-catter. It’s not even funny! Well, first – it has trees. Psh. Think of something new! And it has this guy, who likes this girl – but they can’t be together. Like I havent heard this before. Please. And the plot! Good vs. evil – totally Twilight.  Get a new idea!

3. The Consitution of the United States of America: Total rip off. I mean look at it! It’s written on PAPER! Twilight was written on paper. And we all know that paper comes from trees. Copy Twilight much?  You know you did!

2. Winnie the Pooh: Eeyore is totally an Edward clone. That mysterious dark, moodiness screams Edward. Add in Tigger is obviously Jacob.  Jumping around, acting all happy but he’s really bent outa shape that he’s the only one.  Please.  It’s totally a poser book.

1. Webster’s Dictonary: This dude was dumb enough to use the same words that were in EVERY SINGLE TWILIGHT book!  Talk about total rip off.  Plus the book wasn’t as big as all of the Twilight books put together.  The book was even printed on the same color paper.  If you can’t think of something new, please keep your hack ideas to yourself!

I hope to God that you realized that this post was written tounge-in-cheek/ sarcastic before now.  In case you missed it – it was the stupidest reasons you could possibly compare Twilight to another book.

If you have no idea what those books were about, and someone said it’s like Twilight because…and the reason sounds okay, what happens?  The reader tries to cram that book into the Twilight frame of reference.

What I’m saying is WHY?  Good God, why?  It skews good books that stand on their own, that have nothing to do with Twilight.  Then the reader is reading the book, thinking How is this like Twilight?, and it totally botches their reading experience.

First of all, that’s a crappy thing to do to other readers.  There are fans who can’t get enough Twilight stuff, then they pick up Websters and are like WTF?  No stars for you, Mr. Webster!  And then they write an evil Amazon review based on the fact that they THOUGHT it was supposed to be like Twilight.  Then you have the opposite reaction.  The anti-Twilight people who are like Ewe, and poking the book with a stick to make sure it’s not as gross as they think.

Then you have everyone else who is in the middle.  They’re reading and wondering how on earth what you said makes sense, and they focus on that instead of enjoying the book.  Eyeore is freakin awesome and cannot be enjoyed to the max when you are wondering why he is like Edward and wondering when his vampire teeth might appear and rip Pooh’s head off.  Cuz, Pooh is a silly ole bear – they said it enough times that you know it’s coming!  But it never comes!  Major disappointment!

Can we please stop trying to shove stuff into holes it doesn’t fit into?  Some things don’t go together.  Telling people drink Vodka and a glass of chocolate milk would just be mean, but it’s totally the same thing!  The result is people puking up books, wondering how it sucked so bad, when they’re actually pretty good  – on their own.  Learning to appreciate Tigger as a hyperactive nut who doesn’t listen is awesome.  Looking at him and thinking Jacob doesn’t have stripes, makes you totally miss that part.

My advice: Create your own frame of reference.   If you hate a book – good for you!  If you love a book – good for you!  But it should be based on that book, and not whether or not it fits a preconceived notion of the book that was based on something else.

The wonderful thing about tiggers, Is tiggers are wonderful things!
Their tops are made out of rubber, Their bottoms are made out of springs!
…But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is, I’m the only one! 

There is nothing new under the sun, people.  There are just good storytellers who have been awesome enough to share their stories with us.

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About sublimeromantic

New York Times, Wall Street Journal, & USA Today bestselling author.
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6 Responses to Twilight Rip-offs & the Damn Donkey Wanna-Be’s

  1. Dani says:

    AMEN and amen. Thank you. It needed to be said. It annoys me to no end when people constantly compare books to Twilight. I read one book in particular recently that people said was a Twilight rip-off….it was NOTHING like Twilight other than the fact that they went to high school……and maybe he had great hair….and maybe the paper thing, but I wouldn’t know because I had the audiobook. Hey, Twilight had an audiobook too….guess that makes the up-and-comer author an unoriginal hack.

    GAH!

  2. Tamara says:

    I’m still wondering how the people can say that it’s copying Twilight by saying it’s on paper -.- Really it’s a damn book! It’s supposed to be on paper.

  3. Joanna says:

    Well said!! Love it!!

    By the way, I don’t see how ANYONE can compare Demon Kissed to Twilight, ridiculous!

  4. Madison says:

    You are so right. I can’t stand it when people compare good books that stand on their own to Twilight. Twilight is a rip off of every freakon romance novel anyway so stop saying everythings like Twilight is a rip of of everything else but that doesn’t mean it is bad or is not original. It is an insult for people to say that Demon Kissed is a rip off of Twilight. Demon Kissed is original and great.

  5. Nina says:

    OMG I Loved ur post! It was SOOO funny — and, sadly, SO true. I didn’t really like Twilight AT ALL, and the way it was written — the wording and all — was slightly depressing and it’s like “OH MY GOSH get a frikin grip and stop being SOOO depressed and crap ! Ur life is effing great so stop saying how terrible and depressing it is !” So, yeah, <3ed the post. :3

  6. Jess says:

    LOL. I think it must be the people who haven’t read Twilight who compare it to other books. Know what I mean?

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